“BALLS! My Summer Shorts Are Snug” Salad

I’ve had a rough few months. Being unemployed, broke & not working out can cause weight gain. Who knew?! 😂 I’m a stress eater and holy hell those three things will cause stress! Buying new clothes for the summer isn’t an option, cause of the whole poor thing, so my only option is to drop a few pounds.

And since I’m a broke bitch I try to keep my grocery budget low. I don’t buy tons of carbs, despite the fact they’re cheap, but I DO look for good “buy one get one free” deals.  As I was strolling through Food Lion last week I saw a deal on some packaged salads.  Not my all time favorite but I knew I had stuff at home to doctor the salads up.

I purchased the ‘2 for $5’ Fresh Express salads.  I got this particular one due to the decent protein content.  And they looked good!


I used both bags.  I put the dressing to the side. I threw both the bags of salad into a big bowl along with the edamame, roasted quinoa & sunflower seeds. I had some veggies & pasta at home so I added some stuff:


  • 1/2 Yellow Pepper
  • 1/2 Cucumber roughly peeled
  • 1 Cup Cooked Orzo
  • 2 Scallions
  • 1 Cup Fresh Parsley
  • 1 Cup Grated Parm Cheese
  • 1/4 cup Olive Oil

Cut 1/2 the yellow pepper into bite sized pieces & throw in the salad.  20170521_095530


Cut 1/2 of a cucumber into bite sized pieces as well. Using kitchen sheers or a knife, chop up a handful or two of fresh parsley.  I love fresh parsley! Great flavor & in my opinion it makes a salad taste so fresh. I wash mine, dry it with paper towels & use the leaves and some of the stem.  Yum!


You can add any protein to this (chicken, shrimp, salmon) or just go with the veggies, quinoa & edamame.  Still tasty! Cut up the green part of two scallions & some of the white if ya dig onion..I do. I added some cooked orzo, 1 cup, just to give the salad some depth & chew.  It worked out perfectly!  I love it when I try something & don’t fuck it up!


After adding the Orzo I added a bit of sea salt, black pepper & the dijon dressing that came with the salads. I then tossed the salad. I found it to be a little dry so I added 1\4 cup of olive oil. The orzo soaks up lots of the dressing.

I then topped the salad with 1/2 cup of grated parm.  Feel free to use more if you’d like. I mean, I ain’t trying to get skinny, just lose a few pounds, and cheese rocks!

BOOM! Kick ass salad that’s good for you & will cost little loot! Perfect for summer too!  I’ll be the first to admit that doing hard core cooking during boob sweat season is NOT fun! 👍👍


This salad will feed 2-4 people, depending on how hungry folks are.  Or, if you’re like me, a single chick, this will last about 3 days in the fridge.  Easy & cheap! Just like me when I’m drunk on vodka! 😂😂


BitterMel 🤘🤘

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